How to find love: dating apps vs real life
You could be a Tinder swipe away from finding true love
The dating world is tough. Trying to find someone you like is hard enough so many of us turn to dating apps to find the right person to co-parent a dog with.
The CEO of Tinder, Jim Lanzone, said to BBC News that people are now taking more time to get to know the people they come across on dating apps, before meeting them in real life. Indeed, dating apps have risen in popularity in recent years with the average number of messages sent on Tinder going up by 19%.
But, there is still a stigma surrounding dating apps, with a lot of people wanting to find love through more traditional methods, such as meeting through mutual friends or interests, or even by chance.
Dating apps are definitely a more modern method to finding love but there is still hope for finding love organically.
To swipe or not to swipe?
A study by YouGov in December 2021 found that 10% of 18-24-year-olds and 12% of 25-49-year-olds met their most recent partner through dating apps such as Hinge or Tinder, so it might not be time to pause your dating app profile just yet.
Clinical sexologist and sex and relationship coach Ness Cooper says one of the reasons we’re finding love on dating apps more is because of how much time we have: ‘We're too busy to look outside of work and other lifestyle and everyday commitments that we need to do.’
Our increased usage of dating apps could also be down to having less money and busier working lives. ‘We've got less income, we have less time. Jobs are further away from the home, so it's actually easier now to meet someone online than in real life,’ says Cooper.
Some people have been lucky in love when it comes to dating apps. Francesca Baker, a freelance writer from Kent, found love twice through dating apps. One lasted for 18 months, but ‘it wasn’t the happiest of relationships’.
However, the other, was quite a different story: ‘I also met, at the same time, the guy that became my best friend for two years, and then when the lockdown happened, I realised that I loved him. I told him, and he asked me to marry him three weeks ago.’
‘I realised I loved him. I told him, and he asked me to marry him three weeks ago’
For others, finding Mr Right on dating apps was unsuccessful. Intimacy coach Caroline Chenier, had a less successful experience with someone she met from a dating app: ‘He said he was going to get us a drink, but he didn't move towards the bar, he just stood near the door with me. I said, “Mark*, the bar is over there. You have to go to the bar. You can't buy a drink back here.” Then I realised this wasn't working so I just walked out. There was no point, it wasn't going to work.’
‘We’re mutuals’
A study by YouGov found that 14% of 18-24-year-olds and 15% of 25-29-year-olds met their most recent partner through mutual friends, proving that most young people are still finding love in real life, instead of love on dating apps.
Some people feel there is more pressure and expectation to find love in real life because others around them have managed the same feat, instead of relying on a dating app to find The One.
Cooper says that we have internalised stigma around finding love on dating apps that comes from our parents:
‘These social psychological systems that are put in place from our families or older peers are important to us and do have a deeper meaning to us… it can feel like we should meet someone in real life and it would feel better, but it's not always the case.’
But, finding love in real life might be better for some people because you can gauge if there is a connection, says Chenier: ‘When you meet someone organically, you have a proper conversation, you have a proper interaction, you look into their eyes, you see their mannerisms, you feel that connection or not.’
‘The Hollywood rom-com’ meet cute
Admit it. You’ve definitely fantasised about someone who is exactly your type approaching you in a café or a bar, falling in love with them instantly, and living happily ever after.
However, unfortunately, one study found that only one in 20 people aged between 20 and 29 found love by chance. Another study proved that the chances are slim, finding that 3% of 18-24-year-olds and 9% of 25-49-year-olds met their most recent partner by chance.
Don’t worry though, our chances are not completely doomed, as Cooper says that you’re closer to finding love by chance than you think: ‘It will be someone who's always been there, like having a similar routine to you and you just haven't noticed each other. Then, one day you do, and then your routines keep matching up.’
Chenier says that your chances of finding love by chance is up to you: ‘If you've got someone who is very outgoing, that socialises, they're going to meet people all of the time.’
‘It will be someone who’s always been there’
Ultimately, there is no better way to meet the love of your life. Whether it be on a dating app, or through a mutual friend that has been dying to set you two up, if you’re clear on what you want, you’ll find Mr Right.
Chenier gives the best advice for finding your person:
‘You should never compromise, you should not lower your standards, and go for what you actually want. But the more you're obsessed with it, the less chance you're going to find someone. You've got to relax, enjoy yourself, enjoy your life, and that person will just come.’