What's your number?
A lady in the streets? A freak in the sheets? What will it take to be both desired and respected? Does your body count reflect who you are as a person?
“whores get paid, whereas women who sleep around for fun generally don't.”- Victoria two
In an era characterised by constant evolution, we find ourselves immersed in the most accepting and open period regarding the ownership of our own sexuality. There has been a noticeable gender stereotype surrounding this for many years, that I've noticed too. While men are often being celebrated for their high 'body counts’, women are frequentley facing harsh backlash, discrimination, and judgement for the same behaviour which is perpetuating inequality and contributing to the harmful gender stereotypes, and the attitudes towards women autonomy and sexuality.
Throughout history, women have faced these patriarchal ideologies, this double standard reinforces the notion of male sexual conquest as a symbol of virility and power, while simultaneously framing female sexuality as something to be controlled and policed. I was lucky enough to scope an interview with Victoria Two who is an Ann Summers Manager and avid feminist with a psychology degree. She hosts her own renowned monthly sex-positive events and is known for her empowerment.
“it's only been in the last 50-60 years ago, while there was still a silence around. Women were being put into asylums for being unwed mothers, and being put in there for the rest of their lives as a psychological problem. Whereas nothing ever came to the men who had been the sperm donors” - Victoria Two
But why is this? Surely we’ve evolved far enough to accept the fact that women can enjoy sex just as much as men. We even see it in media representation, in the likes of reality tv shows such as Geordie shore and Love island. Men are still “regarded as studs”, and the women are being teared down online.
“There has always been an imbalance around the way that men and women are viewed for their sexual experiences, bodycount and anything around that” Historically, there has always been a expectation that women should remain virgins until they get married.” - Victoria Two
Women are always being reminded not to ‘give themselves’ away, and that virginity should be something that we keep sacred to ourselves. I’m not disagreeing with this, as I do think it is something quite special. But if you are a woman who enjoys sex just as much as the next man on the street, I don’t think there should be a judgement for this, just because of your gender. It's like a gender bias, throughout the years women have always had to fight for their rights and what they believe in, whether that was to own a bank account, to drive a car, to get a job. It's not been an easy ride for the entire gender. So, Why does this little number hold such a weight over people?
“its perfectly fine for a guy to say he’s had 50 people, And that he’s just been having fun and sleeping around, but there’s this idea that if a women has the same amount it makes her loose. which makes zero sense. Because if a women sleeps with 50 men, how is that any impact on her body? compared to a women sleeping with the same man 50 times.” - Victoria Two
I thought this was a really interesting quote from Vicky, as this did make me question why people are so judgemental, as long as you're not harming anyone or causing any hurt I can’t understand why having a body count of 5 compared to 100 would make any difference.
Throughout the years women have faced enough backlash and still do for every other thing we do, whether someones too fat, too thin, she’s funny, she’s boring, she’s fridged or she’s a slut. We get scrutinised for every little thing we do anyway, being able to own our own sexuality shouldn’t be one of them. We should be allowed to feel sexually liberated with no shame, although this hasn’t been the reality for women throughout history, and these attitudes are deeply embedded in all of our institutions, the only way we will be able to put a stop to this is through being more open to it. This is where my interview with student Jessica Williams comes into play, she mentioned to me that she believes:
“some things are so integrated into society that it would be nearly impossible to irradiate them, and this is one of them. But I think some steps that could definitely be made are;
-banishing any hateful, misogynistic, or discriminatory figures in social media, such as Andrew Tate for example, to stop hate against genders on social media.
-Sexualisation of the female nipple would have to be made a thing of the past. This would include the decriminalisation of the showing of the female nipple.
-Better sexual education for young people is KEY within our society to teach more people about the other sex and sexualities, not just their own.”
There is a study called the madonna-whore complex, which is really interesting, where Loveability take a look at Sandy’s character from Grease, as her entire character development surrounds her transforming herself into a sexual fantasy to be desirable to Danny. This is why “Body count” is still relevant, as I mentioned before as a man’s body count increases their social capital does too, compared to a women where this the exact opposite, her worth is depleted, and she’s seen as a “slut”.
The only way we’re going to be able to face this is by being more open and honest about our sexuality, and not being made to feel shame for enjoying sex the same way men do. It doesn’t make us easy, or pornstars, it just makes us human. As I've said before and will say a million times over, as long as your actions are safe and not harming anyone you should be able to do what you like, regardless of your gender and without the feeling of shame.
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